Tag Archives: hipsters

The Hipster Avengers: A Screenplay

THE HIPSTER AVENGERS

A Gator Don’t Play No Shit Production

Written by Zach and inspired by Taylor’s drunken sermons

1. EXT. GREENPOINT, BROOKLYN – DUSK

Slow zoom on a lonely warehouse rooftop, the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway in the background. A masked figure materializes in the shot, crouched at the building’s edge, gazing over the city streets. As the camera draws nearer, we see that he’s shrouded in tight, form-fitting flannel. Closer. We see a moustache. Then, his purple Tye-dye t-shirt, adorned with several wolves howling at the moon. In the distance, we hear a woman scream.

Unnamed Superhero

Huskily, he utters four words.

“Justice will be allotted.”

With that, he leaps onto a unicycle, pedaling furiously and popping into the air over the next roof. Before he disappears, his plaid-caped figure and aluminum, one-wheeled steed are framed against the sunset. He drops from sight.

2. ROLL CREDITS

Credits roll with a random indie-pop song in the background (lute and ukulele will be prominent). Cue hazy 30mm footage of several normal children playing in a variety of settings, only to demonstrate a unique superpower. For one child, this will be knitting 50 scarves in under a minute. For another, writing half of a screenplay for a preschool puppet show, only to decide that they’d rather focus on fingerpainting for the time being. For another, preternatural graphic design abilities.

3. BACK TO GREENPOINT

A young woman wearing jorts and a beret has just exited a coffee shop tearfully. She’s talking on the phone, and we learn that she’d left after arguing with her boyfriend, who discovered that the Korean characters inside the heart-shaped tattoo on her back stand for “Bobby,” her ex. Her boyfriend comes out yelling that he just unfollowed her on Instagram, and then he hops on his electric moped and zips off.

Suddenly, two men walk around the corner. One’s wearing a DARE T-shirt, the other a wife-beater and corduroy pants. They grin wickedly.

Evil Hipster #1 (DARE shirt)

“Hey there purrty. Your tongue piercing sure fires MY kiln.”

Evil Hipster #2 (corduroy shorts)

“Could be the High Life talking, but I’d like to climb YOUR hills on my fixed-gear bike.”

They reach for her.

Helpless female hipster

Screams.

We hear a rattling, and the trio glance up at the warehouse rooftops. There are shadows everywhere – we see the flash of a wheel between two alleys, hear the whoosh of a cape. Then, a can of Four Loko comes flying out of nowhere, knocking the first evil hipster out but leaving the helpless female hipster unscathed. The second one, realizing his peril, makes for his bike, but the pedals are five feet off the ground and he struggles to mount.

Unnamed Superhero

Off-camera, huskily: “That’s not a bike lane.”

Our caped crusader unicycles into frame, leaping off. In one motion he throws a fanny pack, which wraps itself around the evil hipster’s neck, and he and his bicycle careen over the curb and through the window of a nearby gastropub. The electric celloist inside the establishment continues his music, all the more audible now. Our superhero goes over to the stricken damsel, offering her his flannel cape to wipe away the tears.

Helpless female hipster

“Who ARE you?”

Unnamed Superhero

Twirls moustache, looks coolly into the distance. Huskily:

“You’ve probably never heard of me.”

Hops on unicycle, flies away. 

 ________________________________________

A note from Zach:

I know that making jokes about hipsters is about as fresh as making jokes about people who make jokes about hating Nickelback, but I couldn’t resist this one. I was pondering taking it in a different direction, where our hero can’t be bothered to rescue people who are in mainstream predicaments (Timmy fell down a well at a Black Eyed Peas concert!), but perhaps we’ll save that for a new Avenger in our next installment.

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Comin’ Straight Outta Bushwick: 1.21 Gigawatts

 

Note from Zach – This is a project a couple of my friends have been working on. It’s a pretty cool idea, so support the cause and check out 1.21 Gigawatts when it hits a newsstand/iPad near you!

The Magazine

1.21 Gigawatts is a bi-monthly arts and music magazine based in Brooklyn, NY made by a group of Brooklyn based artists. It’s a full size, 32 page, full color magazine. We are focusing mainly on the New York music and art scene. Every issue includes a free downloadable playlist as well as an original piece of artwork in each copy.

We are also creating two separate digital versions of each issue. One in basic PDF format and another specifically made for the iBooks app on iPad and iPhone. The iBooks version will feature a totally different design than the print version including extensive photo and art galleries as well as videos.

Our core staff all met while interning at PAPER Magazine, and after being inspired by what we saw and learned at the magazine we decided to create a publication that covered our scene and community. We have also picked up other staff members along the way including filmmakers, fashion students, etc.

Our first issue will include articles on Oberhofer, Bear in Heaven, The Yellow Dogs, Life Size Maps and artwork from our whole staff as well as a few other New York artists.

We have already started compiling content for the first two issues of the magazine. Now all we need to make this magazine a reality is your help.

How You Can Help

The biggest thing you can do to help is back our project financially. ($) We have tons of rewards at many different levels. Ranging from $5 all the way up to $1000 which gets you a subscription and an illustrated portrait of yourself on the back cover of the first issue. ALL reward levels will come with a sticker.

You can also help by spreading the word through facebook, twitter, tumblr, blogs, and other forms of social media. Spreading the word of our magazine is as important as backing it. Not only do we want to raise the money to make this, but we also want to get as many people excited for it as possible.

Kickstarter works on an all or nothing basis. If we fail to meet our goal of $9000 we don’t get any of the money. That’s why it’s really important that you share this campaign with your friends and family.

$900 down, $8100 to go!

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/dannykrug/121-gigawatts-magazine

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Last Night I Went To a Comedy Show in Williamsburg. Here’s What Happened.

By Zach

After work yesterday I went to my friend Pete’s apartment in Bushwick to watch the second half of the Pats game and then go to Williamsburg for a free comedy show at the Knitting Factory, a bar on Metropolitan that does a lot of events.

You can imagine how I, a Patriots fan, was happy with how the first half of the evening unfolded. I still can’t believe that kick went wide. SUPER BOWL!

Although that’s not the focus of this post. After eating some surprisingly edible soy meat products for dinner (Bushwick turned Pete vegetarian), we headed to Williamsburg for the show.

The host was Hannibal Buress, whom I’d never heard of but who has apparently written for SNL and 30 Rock, on which he also occasionally plays a horny homeless guy. He alone made the show worthwhile. Dude is a rising star; I highly recommend checking him out. He had a real laid back, wandering style that the audience immediately warmed to, and even though some of his material wasn’t fully fleshed out it was pretty damn funny.

Burress inserted a lot of anecdotes into his routines to great effect – at one point he had a great, though overly long, bit on a crazy ex-prospective hookup who kept chatting him on Facebook even though, as he told us, his first response to her “Heyy, what’s up??” message was “Beat it.” His material wasn’t absolutely transcendent, but  it was still very good, and his stage presence augers well for ongoing success in comedy.

Which cannot be said for the other four comics who performed last night. The first one started off his routine by harassing a hipster in the front row. Note to comedians in Williamsburg: if you’re gonna make fun of hipsters, do so carefully. The crowd wasn’t into it, and he kept it up for wayyy too long. Just in general, if you’re going to make fun of someone in the crowd, it’d better be funny and you’d better make it quick. Sometimes comedians can go back to the same guy or same couple a few times in their routine, but it’s never a good idea to relentlessly harangue on someone.

This guy also seemed too nervous to make eye contact with anyone other than a couple people in the front row. Finally, he made WAY too many rape jokes. He had a bit about how the grad student (a redhead) who saw Sandusky in the shower with a boy probably killed Sandusky’s boner because of his red hair. Just wasn’t that funny.

My opinion on rape and other touchy subjects in comedy is this: it’s fine if you go there, but you absolutely have to be clever or it’s gonna bomb. This guy, and also the final comic who performed last night, kept making these rape jokes and it really made the crowd uncomfortable. I’m by no means a politically correct person, but I felt awkward last night on multiple occasions.

On a similar note, when half of your crowd consists of women, maybe don’t keep referring to them as merely “Pussy.” “I was getting pussy, I was looking for pussy,” etc. It’s kind of a middle school/high school term to begin with, and it’s pretty degrading without adding any comedic value. Pete’s take: “I think those routines would have gone over better at a big state school with more bros. Like the University of Texas.”

These guys also committed another comedic sin – they got angry at the audience. The first one in particular. Just started going off about how lame and sensitive everyone was. The last guy, who couldn’t have been more than 21 or 22, was almost whining about how the crowd didn’t like him. Sorry man, maybe you shouldn’t have spent ten minutes describing why you love fingering chicks.

Overall though, I’m glad I went. Hannibal Burress was great, the two middle comedians (actually three – the third act was two identical twins who performed a weird but strangely amusing act together) were at least decent, and best of all it was free. Comedy shows like this are one of the reasons I’m really starting to like living in New York City.

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