I Have A Brilliant Idea: Nude Facebook

Mark likes my idea.

By Zach

Now, hear me out. Everyone talks about how Facebook and other social media are completely stripping us of our privacy, right? Let’s take that idea and make it literal. Facebook without the clothes.

It’s not like anyone cares about the whole privacy issue. We like putting ourselves out there for the world to view. Some of us more than others. With this blog, I’m most assuredly guilty.

Facebook is already about sex. Didn’t Jesse Eisenberg tell us that in the Social Network? Maybe he didn’t and I just imagined he did.

When it comes down to it, though, Facebook is about showing people you want to bone down with that you would be a very attractive  boning partner should the mutual desire for bonage suddenly materialize.

Boning is my favorite synonym for sex.

Of course, it’s not like Nude Facebook would have to be all about sex. It could still exist as a way to broadcast your interests.

Like rock climbing? Make your profile picture of you wearing only a harness and shoes, proudly posing atop the 5.2 rock slide you just conquered.

Are you a diehard skier? Have a friend snap a couple Instagrams of you wearing just your Dalbellos while you throw 80s tricks in the park. It’d instantly be the most memorable daffy anyone’s ever seen.

And this is ignoring all the great advantages for advertisers. Instead of facial recognition software, they could have body recognition.

Over 300 pounds? We’re sending some Hostess ads your way, honey.

More than 5 tattoos? Looks like Harley Davidson’s gonna be advertising on your page.

I kind of like writing really short paragraphs, Rick Reilly style. It’s punchier.

Messaging would also be a lot more fun. It could basically be what Chatroulette is now, only both of you would be naked.

And despite what I said earlier about the boning, it’s not like you couldn’t still hang out with your friends online. Straight girls love to act like lesbians with each other. Bros are seriously homoerotic sometimes. OK, all the time. It’s cool. And Nude Facebook would be too.

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4 thoughts on “I Have A Brilliant Idea: Nude Facebook

  1. There already have been nude social media sites. Truenudists.com is one that is active.

    • Zach says:

      Well yes, obviously, but as someone who frequents such sites wherever there is Internet to be found (coffee shops, school playgrounds, and so on), I can assure you that the majority of users are fat, sweaty men who want me to play with their dragon – their words, not mine. Nude Facebook would allow the nudist in all of us to express him/ preferably herself

  2. Zach says:

    Facebook has a broader reach than these other sites, thus ensuring fewer men at my door and fewer questions running through my head pertaining to the necessity of their wine coolers and prophylactics.

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