The Most Embarrassing Music In My iTunes

By Zach

My last post gave me the inspired idea to delve into my music library, see what embarrassing gems from 10th grade I might find, and then share them with everyone on here. Sort of a musical self-intervention, if you will. Here’s what transpired, in alphabetical order by artist.

It turns out I have not one but two songs by Ace of Base, “All That She Wants” and “The Sign.” And I’m very comfortable admitting that I’m listening to the former right now and nodding my head.

Let’s see…I have entirely too much Akon. I do have fond memories of listening to “I Wanna Fuck You” the first time I got really hammered drunk, in my senior year of high school (yeah, I know, late bloomer). I remember thinking it was the most ridiculous yet kinda tantalizing song ever. Akon’s not really that embarrassing, though.

Bon Jovi is, though, and I have 11 songs of his. “You Give Love a Bad Name” is arguably my favorite song of all time. Also, the video for “Always” has to go down as the most unintentionally funny music video ever:

Isn’t that glorious? I have tears cascading down my face every time I watch it (Uhh, I mean, the first and only time I watched it) and I’m never positive if they’re from laughter or from the memories of my every heartbreak.

Back to the music. I also have a hilarious song by Eminem’s old rap group D12 titled “40 Oz,” in which the chorus consists of several rappers screaming “POUR YOUR FORTY OUT…GUZZLE IT”…And speaking of rap, I still have a couple Dem Franchize Boyz songs, “Lean Wit it Rock Wit It” and “White Tee.” What happened to those guys? Maybe Soulja Boy and Waka Flocka gunned them down for supremacy of the Southern-rap-that’s-entirely-devoid-of-lyricism game.

This is brutal to admit, but I also have Elton John songs not titled “Tiny Dancer.” “Rocket Man, “Crocodile Rock,” and “Indian Sunset,” to be precise. Equally brutal: I have three Foreigner songs. They’re the band who did “I Just Died in Your Arms Tonight.” Tragically, they don’t seem to have music videos for that or “Cold As Ice.”

Next up, “Baby I’m Falling In Love Again” by Hamilton Joe, Frank & Reynolds. Here’s the story that led to me downloading this song: one fall when I had just arrived back at college, my friend Andres and I were driving back to campus from my storage unit; he was driving his Mustang convertible, and I was in the passenger’s seat with a mini refrigerator on my lap. If at any point he had slammed on the brakes, my parents would have had to get a jumbo-sized casket to accommodate the refrigerator fused to my top half. Thankfully, he didn’t. But my life changed regardless – this song came on the radio, and we were both flabbergasted. Almost gave us the gay, as Rick Santorum might put it. It’s just a real classy jam.

While we’re on the subject of cheesy music, it’s probably a good time to admit that I have like 2 albums of REO Speedwagon. If you’re not familiar, and I’m guessing you’re not, because if you’re reading Gator you’re probably not a middle aged trucker from Iowa, they’re one of those Midwestern arena rock bands whose anthems have names like “Keep on Loving You,” “Time for Me To Fly,” and “Can’t Fight This Feeling Anymore.” I used to like REO Speedwagon. OK, I still kinda like them.

That might be it for now. The main lesson from this experiment? I apparently have a crippling weakness for 80s rock.

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One thought on “The Most Embarrassing Music In My iTunes

  1. Clara says:

    Solidarity on the crippling weakness for 80s rock front. Bon Jovi & REO Speedwagon are my jams (and I’m neither middle aged nor a trucker nor am I from Iowa). Also, Bon Jovi is smokin’.

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