Come Cruise With R. Kelly!

Bring your daughter! Not her, the younger one.

By Zach

Over the past two days I’ve been working at the New York Times’s Travel desk. Checking facts on stories about New Orleans and Bruges, researching the first class amenities offered by U.S. airline companies, stuff like that. More interestingly, I had to research music-themed cruises. Here’s what I found.

First of all, if anyone’s interested in Kid Rock’s 3rd Annual Chillin’ The Most Cruise (ft. Uncle Cracker and Yelawolf), it departs on April 26 from Miami. I know, I know, I probably lost every person reading this blog.

I’ll wait.

Okay. Booked your tickets? Good. Next up, we have the New Kids on the Block Cruise, which departs June 7 from Miami. Yes indeed, I’m talking about the only 40-something “boy” band that features Mark Wahlberg’s infinitely less successful brother, Donnie Wahlberg. Let’s just say that Donnie could not have stopped 9/11 if he had been on those planes.

That one, somehow, sold out last August. Sorry guys.

But maybe you’re looking for something sooner, to rid yourself of these winter doldrums. Why not book yourself a cabin on the Donny and Marie Osmond Cruisin’ With Friends extravaganza, departing Fort Lauderdale on February 28? They describe it as a once in a lifetime cruise, and I have no reason to doubt them.

Ah. Wait a moment. I’m forgetting the best one! R. Kelly’s Love Letter Cruise, from October 1-6. Prices start at a measly $1,499 per person for a double cabin. Want some more information? Here are some quotes from the cruise’s website.

You don’t sell over 33 million records by chance – it takes consistent, peerless artistry.

How many artists are versatile enough to effortlessly switch gears from club groove (“Step in the Name of Love”) to inspirational anthem (“I Believe I Can Fly”) to a timeless R&B classic (“If I Could Turn Back The Hands of Time”) without missing a beat or losing one drop of emotion?  Only R. Kelly. 

A few years ago, Kelly told a journalist, “the studio is my oxygen.” For his legion of fans who have stayed the course over the last two years, there’s no more waiting to exhale. The R. Kelly magic continues.

I’m sold.

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