Boner Jams LXXII: Most Disturbing Rap Lyrics Edition

By Zach

I love rap for a myriad of reasons — its catchy beats, the wordplay and lyricism, that sense of “having street cred” I’m imbued with as I drive to the ski mountain in my Subaru. One of my favorite things on this earth is a good, nonsensical simile.

The two main reasons I like the genre, however, are contradictory: its honesty and its persistent, often hilarious bravado. The most successful rap artists produce deeply thoughtful music, but it’s usually interspersed on their albums, and sometimes within the same songs, with ridiculously over-the-top braggodocio. Jay-Z, Kanye West, and Drake are all guilty of this. Sometimes the boasting gets out of hand, or it’s simply misplaced, or it’s just really awkward. These songs and lyrics all fall into that category.

NOTE: I’m disqualifying Eminem automatically because all of his music is disturbing. Also rappers who are just clearly looking to write the most messed-up songs possible, i.e. Necro, Immortal Technique, etc. The artists below actually have popular appeal.

1) Akon – Takin’ It Off

Let’s recap. Akon starts us off by setting the scene: “My binoculars on.” Huh, that’s an odd accessory. Maybe he’s at a football game in the nosebleeds.

Alone staring out of my window.” OK, who doesn’t like bird watching?

I see the best creation of woman I ever saw in a long long time.” Uh oh. So he’s not a budding ornithologist. Also, Akon apparently failed elementary school English.

“Once she strip down naked and entertain me…Oh my gosh she’s doin’ it…Takin’ it off [x5]…She’s gettin’ naked [x4).” And here, we discover what the song’s really about – Akon is such a baller that he can pull off Peeping Tomfoolery with infinitely more swag than Adam Sandler. LIGHTS ON JACKPOT THERE SHE IS.

2) T.I. ft. Alfa Mega and Busta Rhymes – Hurt

First of all, just so we’re clear: this song sucks. You don’t have to listen to it. It’s just four minutes of three rappers talking about how they’re gonna kill whoever crosses them, and the haters in this scenario remain mysteriously undisclosed. Maybe that’s because they don’t exist, but whatever. Who is a white boy from New Hampshire to question T.I.’s credentials? Dude’s a felon.

Then again, Busta Rhymes, who has lines in this song like “Bust so many shots gun powder probably blind y’all niggaz now (Ok, ok let’s go), See you don’t know really wanna feel that Mossberg blow (naw), Clap up a nigga then I cap up a nigga, When I finish it’ll turn into an absurd show,” did a duet this holiday season with Justin Bieber. So perhaps my skepticism isn’t all that misplaced.

Anyway, the only truly scary line in this song is courtesy of Alfa Mega, whom Wikipedia tells me started his career in an Atlanta prison cell. He raps, “Pussy niggas betta act right, lay low, we know where ya family live, trust me you don’t want me up in ya crib with a ski mask on duck tapin ya kids.”

Yikes.

3) Puff Daddy & Mase – Can’t Nobody Hold Me Down

This is actually a good song. That said, the line “Young, black, and famous, with money hanging out the anus” is completely unnecessary. Just a perfect example of  a rapper reaching for the desired degree of braggery within the limitations of their rhyme construction.


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2 thoughts on “Boner Jams LXXII: Most Disturbing Rap Lyrics Edition

  1. Taylor Woodward says:

    From Akon’s Pottery Barn Kids collection: http://i.imgur.com/JUdN6.jpg

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